Guest columnist, Ryan Bacon tells it straight.
I’m back, folks, from my holibobs. Did you miss me?
It’s been quite a few months. Boris Johnson got in, to my relief. Rather him than some leftwing loony with progressive ideas and a beard.
(I acknowledge that I’ve got a beard, but it’s the kind of sensible facial topiary, none of yer hipster, Mumford and Sons, corduroy wearing nonsense.)
Anyway, back to Boris. He’s just the kind of red-blooded male we need to lead us. He’s prone to a gaffe or two, and loves the birds, but that just endears him all the more to me.
So what if he’s flamboyant, with that wayward mop of flaxen locks, he says what the average man on the street thinks. He’s aspirational. He makes sense, in a buffoonish way. A clown he may be, but underneath that bluster lies a true English gent.
One day, someone like me could actually make the cut. I’m a real geezer, not afraid to express myself, am fond of a beer or six, and feel the UK needs to harken back to the days before neo-liberalism was ‘a thing’.
Britain will rise again. Boris Johnson gets my vote (as an ex Ukip chap). Theresa May is history, and Boris is our blooming future. Good to be back.