In a Glasgow coffee bar, writer Todd Landis director Jeffie Wood have been reported to be hashing out the plans for their latest picture which they believe will surpass not only all of their previous work but potentially that of the western cinematic canon. The team remain obnoxiously confident that this time will be distinctly different from all of their previous projects, although quite what would lead these two men with track records for mediocrity to place their hearts so firmly on greatness remains a mystery, when pressed about this they were keen to put it down to a:
really really really good feeling about this one
Amongst their plans, including a number of unreadable or contradictory statement are stated intentions for a full set of living, breathing, three-dimensional characters that still somehow satisfy the tightly rigid spectacle demands of a ninety-minute gangster flick that may one day be compared slightly tragically to the 1998 film Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels.
Following their third coffee refill, the duo were struck by how it was that so many of cinema’s greatest had not even bothered to make work that is at once intelligent, compassionate, gory, laugh-out-loud hilarious, sexually titillating, satirical, and deeply sincere.
Although the film is still technically at the concept stage, in the time Jeffie took for a trip to the toilet Todd wrote out a half page speech which he reckons will equate to:
at least 20 minutes of screen time
Which, if true, would place them well on the way to completion.
Despite it not featuring in the concept at all at the outset of the meeting, the project has since gained a meta-cinematic edge, heavily influenced by what somebody once told them Charlie Kaufmann’s work is like. Filming of the first, partially-written and currently only scene for the film begins this afternoon when Jeffie will film himself quitting his job to pursue his destiny as cinema’s brightest star.
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